For years I did not think I mattered. I desperately wanted to matter, though I may not have called it that.
I might have called it being loved, or wanted, or included. But what I really wanted, was to matter, to know I was important to someone. And I wanted that someone, to be someone else. I wanted other people to show me I mattered, because I didn't matter to myself.
So I walked around as if I wasn't quite here, the weight of me not quite landing on the ground, like I had less substance than other people, like I didn't really belong.
Recently I attended a week long course with around 60 participants. I can easily get lost in a group that size, but early on in the course the facilitator talked about mattering – acknowledging how tricky it can be to know you matter in a group of that size. It echoed my experience and supported me to do the work I wanted to do; mattering enough to myself that I would step up and ask for what I needed in order to thrive.
So I continued the work I had begun, the practice of noticing the moment I felt uneasy and acting immediately to take care of myself.
When I risked my significance and stepped into mattering, I reached out to people and asked for the things that would support me to thrive. Often this was as simple as asking someone to hear how I was feeling in that moment – because I trusted it mattered how I was feeling and whether my needs were met.
I might have called it being loved, or wanted, or included. But what I really wanted, was to matter, to know I was important to someone. And I wanted that someone, to be someone else. I wanted other people to show me I mattered, because I didn't matter to myself.
So I walked around as if I wasn't quite here, the weight of me not quite landing on the ground, like I had less substance than other people, like I didn't really belong.
Recently I attended a week long course with around 60 participants. I can easily get lost in a group that size, but early on in the course the facilitator talked about mattering – acknowledging how tricky it can be to know you matter in a group of that size. It echoed my experience and supported me to do the work I wanted to do; mattering enough to myself that I would step up and ask for what I needed in order to thrive.
So I continued the work I had begun, the practice of noticing the moment I felt uneasy and acting immediately to take care of myself.
When I risked my significance and stepped into mattering, I reached out to people and asked for the things that would support me to thrive. Often this was as simple as asking someone to hear how I was feeling in that moment – because I trusted it mattered how I was feeling and whether my needs were met.
Stepping into knowing I matter, I walk on the earth a bit differently. I take up space. I give my full weight to the earth. I let myself be seen. I notice when my needs are not met and rather than taking this as evidence that I don't matter, I make requests to get my needs met, and step into my power.
Sarah Ludford is an NVC trainer who works with individuals, groups and organisations. For information about Sarah's course click here.
Sarah Ludford is an NVC trainer who works with individuals, groups and organisations. For information about Sarah's course click here.